EP66 - NSFW MINOR INTERNET HIT SINGER - Kunt

NSFW episode. NOT SAFE FOR WORK, KIDS, SHOPS. Warning! This podcast contains strong adult themes and very rude swearing from the outset. Kunt is a minor internet musical celebrity from Kunt & The Gang, The Kunts, The Krackpots, The Krown Jewelz and Kuntford & Sons, based in Basildon aka Bas Vegas. Kunt is not a rude name if it’s spelled with a K. He specialises in writing catchy rude songs. Starting off on b3ta.com and MySpace, which felt like our punk on the internet. Kunt grew up on Depeche Mode and started out making simple electronic music. Crocodiles covered in cocaine. Kunt had his song about D****** T**** taken down from Spotify and Facebook. Is T**** aware of Kunt? The Boris Johnson songs however are still on streaming platforms. 50p Lee has listened to F*** the Tories song. Kunt has had 4 top 10 UK singles, including a top 5 Xmas Single. People power with multiple versions - being Bob Geldof for a week hyping up sales. Going head to head with LadBaby and his Sausage Roll songs. ‘The certain sort of person’ that buys Kunt’s songs. Getting censored from the charts, even with clean songs like ‘Scrap the Monarchy’. Following the rules of The Manual by The KLF. Essex’s Jon Morter got Rage Against The Machine ‘Killing in the name of’ to number one, what advice did he have for Kunt? Kunt - ‘Culture now is warm diarrhea’ you need to do something a bit different. Kunt stopped gigging in 2016 and wrote his book ‘iKunt’ - available in the KuntShop. Kunt did a KickStarter for the book, and a stretch goal was to make a punk album of the greatest hits. Ginger WIldheart suggested that Boris Johnson is a F****** C*** should be Xmas Number One, and it snowballed, Charlie Brooker backed it and it flew. Getting stuck in the snow on the M1 after a gig. Kunt started Kunt & The Gang because he realised he wanted new adventures and new stories after a night at the pub. DIY music and having a laugh. Boring money off his Mum to buy a four track and learning chords. Writing songs in the major key with hooks like 80s advert jingles. Working for Essex Council youth services, and potential conflicts of interest. Comedy as protest. Punching up and getting meme nuggets into culture. Going to Edinburgh with a musical about Shannon Matthews. Putting together a musical with no experience and ending up with a sold out run at Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Then making it into a crowd-funded feature film. Kunt’s plans for a true crime documentary series called Murder On Thames - watch this space. Being censored on YouTube and having channels removed. Getting cease and desists from Pudsey Bear and Simon Pegg. Making DIY music and having a top 10 hit that cost a tenner. Motivate yourself by booking a gig in, give yourself a deadline. It’s not embarrassing to try! You need to try to achieve stuff. Just go and fucking do it! ASMR on podcasts, cheesy fingers and scampi niknaks.

Kunt and the Gang
Kunt on Instagram
Kunt on Spotify
Kunt on Bandcamp

Are You Creative? recorded by Adam at Lawker Media, Chelmsford, ESSEX
Edited by Nick Hearne
Artwork by

Don't forget to like, subscribe, share and all the good stuff.

Follow our Instagram for latest news and behind the scenes photos 

Send comments, questions, or suggestions for fascinating creative people in Essex give us a shout on our Instagram

Thanks to NGDA for their support

Transcript

Nick 0:01

Hello, lovely podcast listeners. This is Nick. Um, this one is not safe for work. And I know some of you listen to this podcast in the car with your kids, and or you know, you might be playing it aloud in a shop or something. It is not safe for that. But it's hilarious. Keep listening.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

I'm gonna have to suck a sweet before we get crack them. Yeah.

Lora 0:25

Suck as many as you like. Hello, I'm Sangie. Nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_04 0:29

Nice to meet you.

Nick 0:30

Nice to meet you. Are you got your headphones there? Are you gonna make be making some weird ASMR now?

SPEAKER_04 0:34

Like people complained about that on my podcast because we sit and eat crisps all the way for it. Yeah. Whereas the bloke went on the iTunes review saying, I really love this podcast, but I can't listen to it because I've got a phobia about um slurping noises and we're just licking our fingers with Watsits and stuff.

Nick 0:54

Some people love it though. That's like that's special interest.

SPEAKER_04 0:56

Yeah, that's worrying.

Nick 0:57

I think there's only fans for WhatsApp finger licking.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

Well, it's one for everything, right? Cheesy fingers. Cheesy fingers, yeah, scampy knickknacks, the lot.

Nick 1:07

And they can tell, they can tell if you if you're having cheese Doritos instead of Watsits, they're gonna they'll be all over it. I I know the difference.

Lora 1:14

Oh my god, we've not even started.

Nick 1:16

Did Johnny have friends on? I mean, it's um so it's uh yeah, don't mess your hair up. I'm quite have you got an Essex tattoo on your wrist. Oh mate, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

I worked for Essex County Council for 14 years, so I I decided when I worked there for 10 years, I was gonna be there forever. So I was gonna have property of Essex County Council tattooed there.

Nick 1:39

I thought that's what it did. It's an initiation. Your first day, first day in Basleton Council. Come on, get there. Prison style. They've got a pyro with like a motor in it. Welcome back to Are You Creative Podcast? Yeah, Nick and Tangita in the house. We're talking about creativity in Essex, people from Essex, outside Essex. They might have been from outside Essex, moved to Essex. But they live here now. We've got an Essex OG today, though. What's your name?

SPEAKER_04 2:07

Cunt from Cunt and the Gang. It's okay because it's with a Kai. It's not rude, is it? It's got a K.

unknown 2:12

No.

Nick 2:12

From Cunt and the Gang, the Cunts, the Crackpots, and Comfort and Sons.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

Our acoustic venture.

Nick 2:20

I thought that was the actual name of that band anyway.

Lora 2:24

I'm actually crying already.

Nick 2:28

I've done a warning at the start of the podcast already about it being not safe for work. My brother listens to this in his car with his kids.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Well, it depends where you work, doesn't it?

Nick 2:37

Well, they're not gonna play it in um WH Smith's, are they? No. Or TJ Jones, yeah. Cunt, where are you from?

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Um I'm from Basildon.

Nick 2:46

OG Basilden, born and raised.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

What's OG mean? Um it's well.

Nick 2:50

You mean original it's internet, it means original. It was from uh OG, I'm the original gangster, the rap song. Oh, right. And then everyone, and then the internet co co-opted it and they said OG means like the original thing.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

Like I'm I'm in my mid to late 30s now, so I can't like all that kid's language.

Nick 3:05

You're in mid to late 1930s, GT.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

Have you seen a grey pube on my jeans or something? Give me away.

Nick 3:13

It's the bollocks you're dragging out of your trouser legs.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

No, these are quite a tight trouser. Definitely X-rated. Quite a tight trouser around the bottom, so there's no danger of that.

Nick 3:22

As good as that, as light as it'll be nice when that comes back into fashion.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

Yeah, good.

Nick 3:26

Alright, and um Sangeese. Yeah, sorry, Basledon, Bas Vegas. I love it, man.

Lora 3:31

I love Bas Vegas, absolutely.

Nick 3:33

Yeah. Um, and you're uh probably Basledon's biggest musical export, aren't you? Forgetting about all the other ones.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

Well, yeah, apart from all the other ones.

Nick 3:41

Apart from all the other ones, you're Basildon's biggest musical export.

SPEAKER_04 3:43

Yeah, I mean, and I'd be a cheaper statue than Depeche Motes because it's only me and Little Cannes, remember?

Nick 3:49

Yeah, exactly. And that one you can just use the same template and just shrink it.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

Yeah, exactly. But you could do it on a digital printer now.

Nick 3:55

Yeah, you could Adam could print one out here, actually. It'd just be flat, a flat statue.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

Has Adam got a digital printer here? Like you're like a 3D printer?

Nick 4:02

No, no, just a flat.

SPEAKER_04 4:03

No, I don't want a fucking flat one. A fucking flat Stanley. I want a three, I want a 3D statue. Preferably in metal.

Nick 4:11

Yeah, well, yeah, you can have a flat paper one or vinyl.

SPEAKER_04 4:15

That's what I like to call it a picture.

Nick 4:18

Kunt, are you creative?

SPEAKER_04 4:20

Yeah.

Nick 4:25

That's the best one we've ever had. Um, Sangeita, look, we've got to talk about what Kunt does. Please. Okay. Uh Kunt, can you tell Sangita what you do?

SPEAKER_04 4:33

There's no way of explaining it that makes it sound any good.

Nick 4:36

Okay, just go for it.

SPEAKER_04 4:38

Um, just write rude comedy songs.

Nick 4:41

Okay. I mean, you make it sound, you make it sound basic, right? Like, yeah, I make I'm I do rude songs, but there's so much depth to this, Sangita.

Lora 4:49

Okay, let's hear.

Nick 4:50

Let's go to the depth. I think on um on your Wikipedia, what do you say? Is a minor minor internet celebrity minor internet hit singer. Hit singer, yeah, exactly. And I think that's true because I mean I've been following the Cuntin' again thing for since she started. Because it was like through beta, which was a website, beta.com, and through Myspace and stuff, which is mad because like now we're like miles away from all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_04 5:13

Yeah, it feels like a different lifetime ago.

Nick 5:15

Yeah, but back then the internet was I mean, I don't it's probably because I was younger, but the internet was so exciting.

SPEAKER_04 5:21

Yeah.

Nick 5:21

To see these things come through like on beta.com, beta.com was b3ta.com. But it was like where loads of people like Rob Manuel came from and loads of like rude, shareable stuff.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

Yeah.

Nick 5:32

I loved it.

SPEAKER_04 5:33

It was our it was our punk uh that scene.

Nick 5:37

It was, yeah. And but it was because it was like punk because anyone could make anything and put it on the internet at that time, yeah, which was brilliant, and that's what Myspace did as well.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Yeah, back in the days before monetization and and censorship.

Nick 5:50

Yeah, you just you just had to pay for it yourself, and there was no copyright evil, was there?

SPEAKER_04 5:53

No, fantastic. I remember on MySpace just relentlessly posting that picture of that Japanese bird upside down in the bathroom, farting what looked like a jet of Mars milk out of her arsehole onto people's walls. There was no repercussions at all.

Nick 6:06

You're you're talking about Tubgirl.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

Tubgirl.

Nick 6:08

Yeah, is that one of the classic shock signs? I love it, yeah. Yeah, I've been tricked into opening that one a few times. That was pre-Rick roll. That was like Rick Roll just sanitized the whole thing, didn't it? Yeah.

Lora 6:18

I've got a whole heap of googling to do when I get it.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

You have Sangator. So, but what Operation U Tree are gonna be coming around your house tomorrow because of your tonight's search history.

Lora 6:29

So if you don't see me again, you know why.

Nick 6:32

Yeah, we'll break you out of Broadmoor, don't worry. Um, but but what what what what's brilliant about cunt's music, right? It's very simple. It's like you go for like a sort of Casio or Casio sound, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 6:43

Yeah. Like the old the old school sort of 80s, you know, plinky plonky simp stuff. Yeah. The early Depeche Mode and all that kind of stuff. That was what I sort of grew up on.

Nick 6:52

Yeah, is that how Dupesh Mode wrote it? They just put Boss and Over on on the cheap Casio and sung along to it. I love it. Do you know? Just on a side note, you know where Depeche Mode's first gig was? Go on. It was in the pink toothbrush, and but at the time it was called Crocs Crocs, because but because it had two alligators inside it.

SPEAKER_04 7:10

Yeah.

Nick 7:10

They thought it were crocodiles, didn't they? And I think Depeche Mode did their first gig in there.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

Oh, didn't they did their first gig there?

Nick 7:15

Yeah, not as Depeche Mode, but it is pretty much Depeche Mode with their songs. Isn't that amazing?

Lora 7:20

That is amazing.

Nick 7:20

What is really amazing is there is a nightclub with crocodiles in it. Oh, the 80s, wasn't it? Anything goes. They're probably covered in cocaine and stuff as well, yeah. So you've still got this musical asphetic, it's like Casio, Casio, but you know, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, you know, the boss and over, very basic, really, really catchy rude lyrics. I love it. I've had gentlemen's wash in my head for weeks, which is which is good. A nice little thing for walking around. But they sound quite, you know, quite jolly, quite innocent. But a lot of the songs are sort of political commentator. Oh, I've got I've definitely gotta go to YouTube. Right, you're gonna love this. I think last week you had your Donald Trump song taken off of Spotify. You've been censored, haven't you?

SPEAKER_04 8:06

Yeah, yeah. They took Donald Trump as a fucking cunt off of Spotify. No, and um, and then I've got um reporting on Facebook as well. I I did a post saying that it had been taken off Spotify, and then that post got taken down. I've got three Donald Trump posts taken down off Facebook. There's there's something going on at the moment, isn't there?

Nick 8:25

I mean, he looks like he's been on the WhatsApp channel, doesn't he? But um, so do you you know Donald Trump is such an egomaniac. I reckon he's aware of you.

SPEAKER_04 8:36

Oh, I mean that that'd be the dream, wouldn't it? Can you imagine him? Actually getting up his nose.

Nick 8:41

Yeah, rage scrolling on the toilet with his pants down his ankles in the White House, like looking at who's just cunting the gang.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm sure he has this shield of people around him that makes sure he doesn't find out about anything.

Nick 8:55

No way, it's an ego, mate. He does he's he's searching, it'll be vanity searching himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows about cunting the gang, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:03

Have you seen the latest series of South Park? No, no, I mean you Is it it's right out there, it's fucking brilliant. They've got Donald Trump uh making love with JD Vance, and he's he's got this horrible little baby mushroom willy and Satan's on the Satan one, yeah. Yeah, Satan's carrying Donald Trump's baby. I mean, it's just fucking out there's out there as you get.

Nick 9:25

Amazing. So you're probably in the FBI file with self-club. It's incredible though, um, you know, to see that sort of like a censorship that's happening now on on social media. And it wasn't like Tom didn't do that, did he on MySpace? No, Tom was good as well.

SPEAKER_04 9:40

No, I I I think it got a bit out of hand, didn't it? Tom couldn't control it anymore. So he had to hand it over to some evil people.

Nick 9:47

Yeah. Apparently, Tom just sold MySpace and he's just chilling out now. He's just having a lovely life.

SPEAKER_04 9:51

Well, yeah, no, but Murdoch Murdoch bought it, didn't he? And just ran it in ran it into the crowd.

Nick 9:56

Oh, I get nostalgic about Friends Reunited. Sometimes you know, they had a header and had some old people with sunglasses on in the header. What where are they now? Yeah, dead. Dead probably. Strangle wag.

Lora 10:09

Oh my goodness.

Nick 10:15

So, what we got, um Donald Donald Trump's a fucking cunt song. It's been you now being taken off of Spotify. But Boris Johnson is a fucking cunt, is still there.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

No the British state isn't as effective, is it?

Nick 10:28

No, but he probably likes it. I reckon he he's definitely gonna be aware of this because it was in the papers.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

I I mean I I would hope, I I would hope that he heard about it.

Nick 10:36

Yeah, it'd be amazing. I reckon he will play it. I reckon he's played it and danced around to it.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

Well, Lee Anderson, uh, you know, the the MP who defected to reform.

Nick 10:44

Yeah, 50 P. Lee.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Yeah, um there was a video of him listening to fuck the Tories on his laptop. Yeah.

Nick 10:52

This is amazing.

Lora 10:53

So Sankito Oh my god, I'm loving this guy.

Nick 10:55

I know, I know. Well, I can't say I can't beep out. I'm gonna have to get like a whole lorry full of beeps to put in this one. I'm not even gonna bother. No, don't bother. So Boris Johnson is a fucking cunt, right? That got to number five in the charts. No, no, for at the Christmas 2020.

SPEAKER_04 11:11

It was like the lockdown Christmas.

Nick 11:12

Oh wow, which which was incredible. I mean, I was streaming it 24 hours a day on on the on the playlist, and I bought every every version of it. Good man. You gamed the you game the charts, I thought it was good, you know. Was there like 10 versions of it?

SPEAKER_04 11:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you know, where you haven't got the the publicity machine that all the big labels have got, what what you can do is with people power, just do multiple versions and they all count to all the main charts. So we just like doubled up and doubled up and doubled up.

Nick 11:38

I loved it, but isn't this like your election campaign? Because every day you're doing videos and you were like telling people how to do it.

SPEAKER_04 11:43

I just I fucking hate it. You have to you have to be Bob Geldoff for a week because uh like boy the fucking record, because otherwise people don't do it. But I hate that fucking whore, you know, you feel like a fucking whore at the end of it or a sex worker. Um yeah, sorry, B B P C Yeah, you you you know, you you feel dreadful at the end of it, but you have you have to do it for that week and then you know, just you have to just decompress after that and not do any promotion for a fucking year.

SPEAKER_02 12:11

You know, just like yeah, and that's horrible, isn't it?

Nick 12:15

That's the worst thing about being in a band with social media, that you just gotta keep keep pokey people. But I thought felt like we all owned it, you know, like it was all of our thing to try and push it because Sangita, I mean we're probably gonna lose loads of followers and get complaints now, but like I cannot stand Lamb Lad Baby, you know, in his sausage roll songs, and you were like head to head with Lad Baby and and it ended up like we were big beef, right? Lad but Lad Baby was complaining you were bullying him.

SPEAKER_04 12:40

We we started digging him out. He's written he's written a chapter in his book about it.

Nick 12:44

No way But listen but the mad thing is Lad Baby um put this single out, right? The Sausage Roll songs, and he was saying, I'm giving giving all this money to charity.

SPEAKER_04 12:54

So you know I think you were calling him out on Well, it was just yeah, well what we wanted to do was just get a conversation about how much of that money was actually going to charity because he wasn't a millionaire when he started making charity records.

Nick 13:09

No, he wasn't, he was a designer at Wonderman, the advertising agency. Yeah. And yeah, now now he's a millionaire. So I mean, we don't did you ever find out how much, what percentage?

SPEAKER_04 13:20

No, no, see, I mean it's impossible to find out, but you know. Are we gonna have to run this? You know, you know when you can just smell there's something, there's something not right. Yeah, yeah. So I just wanted to make that make that suggestion, and the way he sort of reacted, you know, you're like, there's something going, there's something going on.

Nick 13:35

He's protesting a bit too much, isn't he? Yeah. Lad baby. But so so Lad Baby, you know, cunt's been in the news quite a lot. I know that this time Lad Baby was really like crying in the news about being bullied. Yeah. By this horrible, by this horrible guy from Essex. And his song, his sweary song, that might that might knock off We Built Lis City on Sausage Rolls or whatever, off the top of the children.

SPEAKER_04 13:57

It was one of the later ones, I think, but um he um he went to the press and uh was complaining, you know, and talking about the certain sort of person that would buy our song. A certain sort of person, and um, so of course, all the people that supported us just reclaimed that phrase. I'm a certain sort of person. It was like fucking Spartacus.

unknown 14:17

I love it.

Lora 14:19

Oh my god, where the hell was I?

Nick 14:21

I know you missed out on this. It was brilliant. And there was even a version called Boris Johnson's A Sausage Roll, which must have must Lab Baby must have raged so much about that. It was the radio version, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_04 14:33

Yeah, yeah, done a clean for radio. But we've done a clean for radio version of all those songs, and and none of them, yeah. They they didn't mention any of the titles on the charts.

Nick 14:41

Yeah, I mean because didn't you get number five on on the chart show? They they said number five is a song that we can't mention by a band that we can't mention.

SPEAKER_04 14:48

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, a certain sort of band. Every every every one we had after that, they'd find another way to just kind of try and sweep it under the carpet, you know.

Nick 14:56

Is that why you did the crackpots afterwards on the crown jewels?

SPEAKER_04 14:59

Yeah, we did we did for the for the fifth one, we did um uh song called Scrap the Monarchy by the Crown and called the band the Crown Jewels with a K and a Z. Because there was already one with an S. But um Yeah, and so we just did that just to see if it was the swear words was the reason it was getting sexy. But then, you know, in the midweek chart, I think we were something like number 20 in the midweek chart, and they didn't even they they wouldn't mention it at all. They they didn't mention that the song title was called Scrap the Monarchy because it was a I think it was the week of King Charles's coronation. Yeah, so we're just trying to, you know, just trying to do it to be shit shit stirrers.

Nick 15:39

Yeah, but but loud babies we built this uh city on sausage fingers.

SPEAKER_04 15:43

Yeah that went to number one it's unbelievable.

Nick 15:50

So you've actually had now you've had um four top ten songs, yeah, and and congratulations. Can you believe that? With no record, you've got no record label, no, and you're sort of promoting stuff just from your shed, yeah, pretty much.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

Yeah, but but that first one just sort of made you think, fuck, it's it is possible. Yeah, you know, and and um there was such a you know, such a wave of support for that first one when that sec when the following Christmas came around and Boris Johnson was still in, it just you know, I I was really loath to kind of go through the whole thing again, but you know, you're like it's just a fucking you know, it's it's a tap in.

Nick 16:29

I I thought I I thought I thought, come on, isn't this time we're gonna do it?

SPEAKER_04 16:32

And I think you have more remixes and you have Rob Maniol behind it and uh cassette boy, yeah, yeah, cassette boy, yeah, Rob Manuel, um Rick Autobahn, and it that second that second year sold like another 7,000, but because of the Christmas streams, you're sort of up against you know, like all the Christmas playlists that they've got Mariah Carey and Wham, and they're always gonna be up there, and they're just so hard to displace. But we've done it with sort of sales and streams.

Nick 16:55

Yeah, Sankiety, you wouldn't believe this, right? So look, the top five was I think Justin Bieber, Ronan Keating, Lab Baby, I can't remember. Oh, Russ Abbott. Was it Russ Abbott?

SPEAKER_04 17:07

Russ Abbott didn't make it in the end. No, it sort of fell by it. But it was an amazing and and cunt, or on the cunts, I should say.

Lora 17:15

God, that's amazing. You weren't in from Basildale.

Nick 17:18

From a shed in Basled.

Lora 17:20

That's just oh, that's phenomenal.

Nick 17:22

Um and what what what I loved was um I think in in your video you had like the um KLF the manual.

SPEAKER_04 17:28

Yeah.

Nick 17:28

Right? And mate, I love the manual. I like make I love DIY music as well. Yeah. And so basically the manual, when when the KLF they had a song out called um Doctorine Tardis, can you remember it? No, you what you it was like it was Gary Glitter, that's quite Gary Glitter's rock and roll, but yeah, as well.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

When Gary Glitter was still alright.

Nick 17:46

Yeah, with Dalek's singing and stuff, but KLF did it to prove they they basically said you could have a number one for a hundred quid. You know, and and and they did it, they they did it to prove it.

SPEAKER_04 17:55

So you would you were just pretty much following the manual and well they they I I think they said in the manual, didn't they, that if you follow the steps exactly and you don't have a hit, um you can get your money back.

Nick 18:05

So so what did you get onto Bill Drummond and ask him? Can I put where's my fucking money, Bill? Where's my fifth? He's got a tank, you've got to watch out. Don't don't don't don't start with Bill Drummond.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

No, and an ice cream van.

Nick 18:18

Yeah, and and and he's got a gun and a dead sheep, hasn't he? Yeah. I remember the Brits out time. Don't fuck with Bill Drummond. Jim, Jimmy Court, he'll be right. You can remember some kid. But um, so that was mad. So you you basically, you know, you're looking at this like it's like, okay, this is how you have a DIY number one.

SPEAKER_04 18:31

Yeah.

Nick 18:32

Like, you've been doing this for ages before, but that was the first time you like troubled the top ten, right?

SPEAKER_04 18:37

Yeah, yeah. We we done it um back back sort of back in the day, I think it was 2010, after the the you know, the rage against the machine. Yeah, yeah. That um John Mortal from Another Essex, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um after that, um, I I I had a go, you know, at coming to get the song in the charts, and I had this song called Use My Arsehole as a cunt, which is a song about you know trying to get on in the music business. And um, so I I'd done the same thing there, done done a few versions, and I spoke to John, and John, it was John put the idea in my mind about um he said the way they got the Rage Against the Machines song over the line to number one was they found a live version of it at the last minute, and all their supporters went and bought that and sort of doubled up, and so that sort of got it over the line, and that's sort of the you know how they beat the X Factor on the final stretch.

Nick 19:27

You notice it's pure Essex because um Blur Country House beat Oasis by by the same by having multiple formats. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is an Essex trick. Don't tell don't let's not tell let's not tell the other counties.

SPEAKER_04 19:40

It's the market trail you're in.

Lora 19:43

That's a good point.

Nick 19:45

That's crazy. I'm I'm glad like John Mortar like helped out. I wanted to talk to him at some point as well because he ran that campaign was brilliant against. Yeah, that's why I've been invited him on.

SPEAKER_04 19:56

Sorry, John.

Nick 19:58

But um, you know, I think that's so good. Like um, you know, almost having like a protest against like the sanitation and the the rubbishness of of music.

SPEAKER_04 20:06

Yeah, because a culture now is just warm diarrhoea. And so if you can do anything just a bit different and a bit interesting, then I think people kind of want to latch onto it because people, you know, I'm not gonna say you're as old as me, but people my age sort of remember the early 80s when you had these kind of weird characters, you know, like like sort of Pete Burns and Boy George, you know, and uh music was just all a bit more interesting then, but now I think now all the formulas are there, and you know, and the record companies and the big companies have all the formulas, it's so easy to just kind of stick to them formulas and you listen to the radio and all the songs sound the fucking same. And it makes you feel like just an old fart saying that, but you know, but even though you can hear their different genres, yeah. The product productions are the same, they're gonna be mastered to the same levels, and yeah, they'll they'll all be, you know, within a few yeah, months or a year, they'll all be mixed and mastered by AI, won't they? They already are, yeah, yeah.

Nick 21:04

But as well, I I love metal. I've got my blood incantation t-shirt on so, but you know, you go see a metal gig now, and most of them are like you know, to backing tracks, quantized, like extra vocals, extra sub bass and stuff like that, and triggers on the drums, and it's like, oh man, I just want some pure music again, you know. Like metal shouldn't sound like pop. Yeah, hip-hop shouldn't sound like pop. Like, you know, punk shouldn't sound like pop, apart from pop bump. Boris Johnson's a fucking cunt. That was like punk, that was the cunts, wasn't it? That was the punk band.

SPEAKER_04 21:36

Yeah, that sort of it just came about by accident, really, because I'd I'd um I'd stopped gigging in 2016, and then um I did a um, I wrote a book um whilst I ran out of money from because I'd you know I've had this pot of cash from the last tour that you're like, this is gonna last forever. And then, you know, within a year it was down to nothing. But in that time I wrote my book, you know, um until.

Nick 22:02

Like iPod, like i iTunes or i little little i capital K.

SPEAKER_04 22:07

i cunt in and then in brackets how I became and remained a minor internet hit singer.

Nick 22:11

Love it. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:12

Um just a little plug for that. You probably buy it on Amazon or something. No, no, so it's actually back available from the cunt shop. Oh, okay. I'd have a little print run done for the tour last year.

Nick 22:23

Shall we have a commercial break? You should get whip out your Casio and do some music and you can QVC on the show. I was gonna talk about the book. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 22:34

So is it Oh, so so sorry, yeah, just to finish, because uh so by the time I'd written the book, I'd run out of money and didn't have any money to fund the print run, so I did a Kickstarter for it. Um and it made the target sort of in like 48 hours or something. Um, and people were saying you should do some stretch goals. And so one of the stretch goals was to make a punk album, you know, just just of like of the greatest hits, because that was something I'd always wanted to do, but you know, you're like, I'm never gonna get around to it. I'll never have the the time or the inclination. But where I'd stopped touring, it it became something you think, well actually, no, that that should be that should be doable. And so I made the made the target, and so you know, put this bit put this bit of money aside to record this punk album, and then made that, and then the final song that went on it just before the first lockdown was Um Boris Johnson is a fucking cunt, and then um put the put I put the punk album out to the backers, yeah, and then um you know stuck it up on Spotify and that was it as far as I was concerned. And then Ginger from the Wild Arts tweet tweeted, it was like in September or something, tweeted a link to the Boris Johnson is a fucking cunt song uh with Christmas number one question mark. Amazing, and then you could just from that it just all started to spiral and um I got a phone call from John Mortar going, mate, yeah, I think this could happen. And then um Charlie Brooker tweeted it and it just went from there, you know, it it just it just flew. And so I I was desperately trying to cobble together a couple of different versions of it, and Dan Lassack, another good Essex boy, done a done a remix for us, and then yeah, and then yeah, it it just sort of took off, you know, without really really trying that hard, you know. Amazing, and all all the other ones I tried much harder, and there was much more structure and strategy in place. But if I hadn't done that, use my arsehole as a cunt in 2010, that got a number 66. But if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have known what to do for these ones when it when the opportunity came to do it, you know.

Nick 24:30

When um was the was the band the cunts? Was that like an old your old punk band, or was it the mates you'd done music with before?

SPEAKER_04 24:36

It was mates I'd done music with before. Um uh the bass and drums uh uh they uh they're hormone, uh another staple kind of uh Essex band have been around forever. They're the least successful band in the country. They've been going through 30 years with the same lineup. Um but never made it out of Basledon? No, never made it to Jameswood. They haven't made it past the end of the road, but but because they've been playing together all that, don't you know they're just they're they're Titan, they're brothers, they're twins. Um Siamese twins, one of them was born with his Willie attached to the other one's bum hole. They don't like me saying that.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Um and then Carsul, my guitarist, was um I mean he's done stuff with us like since forever. He's been in all the videos since since I started and um done all the music for my Shannon Matthews musical, the original one, you know. Brilliant. Yeah.

Nick 25:34

So wouldn't um sorry, saying guitar, it's just me talking now and you just laughing every time every time Cunt swears.

Lora 25:40

I'm getting the info in.

SPEAKER_04 25:42

If you've got any questions in the meantime, oh they will fly in, don't you worry.

Nick 25:48

So when you were just going around and it was just you and little cunt, does it get a bit like like you know, was it getting a bit lonely like going and doing gigs and exhausting? Like, have you got a drive out to place on your own and and do the show?

SPEAKER_04 25:58

Yeah, um yeah, I mean it it's all it's all I I quite like fucking peace and quiet. You know, yeah, I know you wouldn't think it, but I quite like peace and quiet. So, you know, when when you sort of when you're on tour, that bit where you get to the from from the minute you kind of get to the venue to the minute you leave at midnight with like dawn of the dead, just these fucking drunk people kind of like clawing at you as you kind of get into your car and try and lock the door quickly. I love it. That that is all that is full on. But the driving and stuff, you know, just fucking stick some music on or stick a popcast on and and and then in the daytime, so um the northern gigs, I'd go and stay with like an old schoolmate in North in Malcolm and just you know, go and do the charity shops and just have a you know fried breakfast and stuff like that.

Nick 26:46

But when you got when you got the cunts together and you started going touring with them, it must be like a whole different experience. Was it we're having a laugh in the van and stuff?

SPEAKER_04 26:53

Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, large when you said having a laugh in the van. We we got stuck, we got stuck on the fucking M1 in the snow coming back from Leeds, and I I was so I was so ill. And we all went to sleep apart from Fuck Sticks, the drummer who was driving. Um we were on there for we were on there for something like 13 hours and we all just went to sleep and he just sat there, sat there at the uh at the driver's wheel, you know, just like cunting us all off.

Nick 27:21

Oh man, did no one need to go for like a poo in a lay-by or something like that?

SPEAKER_04 27:25

We all make some brown snow.

Lora 27:31

Oh my goodness.

Nick 27:32

Come on, Sangit, you must have a burning question on you.

Lora 27:34

I do. I've got I've got a couple, so I'm gonna go with the first one. Name of your band. I've got to say with a K, right? That's all you had to say. Your face. Like, we what what I'll tell you what it was.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

We we would um I was down the pub, I've got a group of mates who I've sort of known since forever, and we'd have like a monthly boys beer, and we'd all just regale each other with the tales of stuff that we used to get up to. And then one night I think I just had this um uh awakening that all my stories were over 10 years old. And you know, fucking hell, no, I've I've got to I've gotta do something, and then as we've kind of come out of the pub and the fresh air's at me, I said, I'm gonna do a gig. And uh Peter just sort of looked at me and and and I just said as I it just came out and it's gonna be called Cuntin' the Gang. Oh and I said it with a C, and then I I sort of remember just going cunting the gang with a K. And then it was because I because I'd said that, then uh my my mate Jim was um doing a musical duo called Retail Outlook, yeah, and they had a Christmas gig organised at the Castle Main in Basildon, and so he rang me up the next day and said, Well, you can support us at the Castle Main. You're like, oh fuck it, I've got to do it now.

Nick 28:54

And but you must have been making music already. Like you've I saw you've been in a lot of bands before you did Cunting again.

SPEAKER_04 28:59

Yeah, yeah, I I mean I I was I I'd sort of done done some stuff before, but I wasn't doing it, I wasn't doing anything, I hadn't done anything for a few years then.

Lora 29:08

So have you always been into like so from the time you kind of left school and then was music always your thing?

SPEAKER_04 29:13

Yes, yeah, I I think kind of I came to it quite quite late of sort of realising that you could actually, you know, do do it do it yourself because um I I sort of grew up with madness, you know, and and and you sort of saw their videos and it just looked like a group of mates all about it, yeah.

Lora 29:34

In the middle of the street, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

Like big baggy trousers, they tried all their videos that had such a sort of DIY ethic to it, and they just looked like they were having such a girl having a laugh at Dublin Castle, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so um, you know, I sort of sort of grew up with that, and then all the electronics stuff, you know, OMD and uh and Depeche Mode and the Human League, and and that was all the music that I loved as a kid and sort of into my teens. And then um we sort of had a go at sort of getting a band together, but in in our mid-teens, none of us could play anything, you know. We just had too many too many, too much dead wood. We were all dead, we were all dead wood, basically. But then sort of in my um I guess like late teens or early twenties, I met a guy who I was working with uh because I was working in a clove shop at Lakeside, and it turned out he was like a distant cousin of mine. I'll never read. I would always seem to be. Normal for Basilden. We had the same webbed fingers. Um but uh it turned out he had this home studio. He lived on the 13th floor of Chabel Flats in Chapel St. Mary, and he had this home studio, and like took us around there and he played us his tape, and it just sounded like depeche mode, and like there was backing vocals on it and everything, you know, and we're just like fucking hell, you know. Uh and and so he started showing us how to kind of make your own music and come with me down to the music shop, and you know, I bought uh borrow some money off my mum. Uh I never paid back. I got I've got a got a four-track, and you know, she doesn't want your dirty money there.

Nick 31:04

No filthy songs, no, exactly. Um so you oh so so you you went there, you got a four-track and a keyboard.

SPEAKER_04 31:11

Yeah, and then and then just like started learning how to make music, and Andy showed me like showed me the chords and I'd write out the write out the scales and stuff and have them up on the wall and never learnt them or anything, you know. But I've I've always been I'll learn the bare minimum I need to know to do it, and then I'll and then I'll just fucking do it. And it might not be as good as if I learned it properly, yeah, but I just need to.

Nick 31:32

But this is what I I love because the music's so minimal, like the hooks and stuff in the s in the songs, you know, they're really good, catchy songs. It feels like um like I was talking to Adam earlier, it's like an old tradition, like East End like songwriting, you know, of like the round the piano sort of like sing-along side.

SPEAKER_04 31:48

But none of that was sort of none of that was really intentional. It just kind of they're the melodies that sort of jumped into your mind, and I I guess it's like growing up with a fucking shake and vac advert and Famash gets smashed, and all them things don't they influence you without you realising.

Nick 32:05

So I was thinking earlier on, like um it's a bit like that John Kettley is a weatherman song.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

Yeah, yeah. I mean one of them is very like that.

Nick 32:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:14

But they have all they've all got like a melody that just sticks in your head and you just got to go around all day. But but I think that's the thing is if you're in a if you're in a proper band that want to be credible, you can't get away with using all their major key adults melodies, and so you know, I I just go like, well, fuck it, you know, they're they're the cat they're the catchy ones, and the amount of times over the years people have sort of said to us, like, yeah, I was in a job interview and used my asshole as a cump popped into my mind. Or you know, I was getting told told off by the headmaster at school, and and then Carol Valdeman popped in my mind.

Nick 32:47

Oh, that's dangerous.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

Um sorry, I've on that on that subject. I had a guy come up to me at a gig who's a teacher, and he went, I nearly got the fucking sack because of you. And I'm like, Don't blame me. What was it then? And so he said the headmaster called him into his office um and he didn't know what it was about. And his headmaster said, Now, can you explain this? And he it was a printout from Facebook of his face, you know, his his profile picture with a comment saying, 'Oh, Carol, when I see you on countdown, I have to pull my pants down and pop a finger in my brown.' Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

What the headmaster was showing him.

SPEAKER_04 33:26

Yeah, the headmaster was going, What is the meaning of this? And he just had he had to explain. He was told never to do it again, you know.

Lora 33:32

What do you think the meaning of this is? My personal life.

Nick 33:39

So it must have been mad, like you know, um San Gita does a lot of sort of work with the council and stuff like that. So you were working for Belden Council when you started doing cunting again.

SPEAKER_04 33:48

I was working for Essex Council um in um uh in Epping and Lauton and Harlow.

Nick 33:54

Um did they did they make you leave? Did they say, look, you cannot do songs like Prince Andrew's a sweaty nonce and work gear?

SPEAKER_04 34:00

No, the the sweaty nonce one hadn't hadn't come up yet.

Lora 34:02

I was gonna say that's how he reasoned, innit?

Nick 34:04

Oh no, it's always been a sweaty nonce.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Um that well, no, I it just got the stage where I had so many gigs booked up that I'd used all my holiday up. But um, towards the end of my time at the at the youth, uh, because it was for the youth service, um uh some of the youth workers come to see me up in London. Yeah, and what became the Prince Andrew song used to be a song called Maybe I'm a nonce. And I played it at the first ever gig and it just it went down so fucking badly. And my my mate who stood at the past said, these two blokes, one went to the other, maybe I'm a nonce, maybe I'm a nonce. That means he is a nonce. And then they just stomped out. But because he it went down so badly, you know, you think, do you know what? My life's life's too fucking short. I'm just not I'm just not gonna do it. But um, there was a guy who who came up to my London gig who knew of that song. And so when I'd finished all my songs, I played Carol Valdeman again, and I went, right, that's it. I haven't got any more songs. He went, Yes, you have. Maybe I'm a non and so I played it and I've looked, and there's all the people that have come to see me from the council youth all just looking at each other, like, what the fuck?

Nick 35:22

So you and did you notice uh when you got five years later?

SPEAKER_04 35:25

I had him known my family. That is it was impossible. It was impossible to get sacked from the youth service. Ian Huntley would have only got a discipline.

Lora 35:39

But we know that youth services have changed now. Sorry, they are one of our partners.

SPEAKER_04 35:44

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean it's all different, it's all different.

Lora 35:47

It's all different now, safeguarded now.

SPEAKER_04 35:49

Yeah, so I hope it is. What I love.

Nick 35:51

Um, today.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

You can cut that bit out if you I'm not precious.

Nick 35:57

I think I'm gonna cut it all out and just it's gonna be hello, goodbye. Great story on Essex Live today. King Charles and Camilla were visiting Dedham in Essex today. Yes, they were. But yesterday, someone had printed out lots of pictures of Prince Andrew on all fours, and they'd they'd plastered the streets with it. It was all over the floor and you know, and the walls and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

Fucking hell, I didn't see that.

Nick 36:23

Yeah, yeah, and and I and I and I was just like, oh my god, this is this is like the sort of thing Kunt would do.

SPEAKER_04 36:28

Why do I never find out they're coming to Essex until after they've been?

Nick 36:31

Well, I didn't want to tell you because you would have cancelled coming to the podcast, because you would have been down there with little cunt and a microphone.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

I'd have been in the cells and choked with Nick now.

Nick 36:40

Exactly. But um, but uh you know I I love that sort of thing that um you know you can protest with in a funny way. Yeah and I think that I think funny protests is the bet the best protest because it's really shareable and it's got a jolliness to it. And actually, you know, when you get angry, everyone's just like oh don't just look like an idiot, don't you? When you you know red-faced idiot like shouting at people.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

You've got to try and keep it keep it light, and yeah.

Nick 37:05

But pr printing out printing out photos of Prince Andrew on all fours, I mean that photo is gold.

SPEAKER_04 37:09

Oh, it's brilliant, then it's good.

Nick 37:12

But um, I think I saw I saw you posted something. It was oh no, it was another photo. Oh, that's a shit story because I can't remember what it was.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

No, it was it was the Prince Andrew photo kneeling over that woman's photo. Oh yeah, Jeff. Jeff, I think I've nonced it to death.

Nick 37:28

So but you know, it this is it's you just every day there's just new gold, new material coming out to comment on.

SPEAKER_04 37:36

It's so hard to keep up with, yeah, you know, because if if you want to get anything actually done, you have to stay off social media because it's just fucking you know, because you can't go on there for two minutes, can you?

Nick 37:46

And this is the amazing thing because it really this is the ultimate punch up because you know, we're thinking about cunt from Basilden, Essex Council, punching up to the royal family, you know, like and and and and and they're they're just they're putting the ball right in front of the goal, you know, like these photos and everything coming out, it's unbelievable.

SPEAKER_04 38:02

Oh, I mean, like, yeah, the last few years have just been a complete fucking gift.

Nick 38:06

Yeah, but what was really really cool saying you might have seen this and not known who'd done it, but um two weeks ago, Nigel Farage was on um cameo and he'll like he'll literally say anything for money.

SPEAKER_04 38:18

Oh wait, well, it wasn't it wasn't me. It wasn't you no, it's someone just someone sent me it on WhatsApp um just like early in the morning, and um I just I I just shared it, but it just went my socials just went fucking mental. We got three million views on my on my on my Facebook. I mean, I wish it had been me, but it was it was Nigel Farage. Did you see it? Nigel Farage paying tribute to me and Watkins.

Nick 38:41

No, I didn't the um the the one of the country's most vile paedophiles.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

No, I didn't.

Nick 38:45

And and Nigel Farage was basically saying, Oh, I love this guy, I've met him. He's a good lad, Watkins. Good lad, he's a good lad. And actually, I think I think you had a quote in the paper as well, and you were just saying, well, it just proves that he'll say anything for money. Yeah, which is great, you know. Again, it's comedy, but like taking a massive swipe up at the people at the top. It's unbelievable. You can make Farage say crazy stuff.

SPEAKER_04 39:07

Oh, he'll he'll he will just do anything for money, wouldn't he? Yeah.

Nick 39:10

Can you remember when Hulk Hogan used to like retweet stuff and people used to get Fred West and stuff? Oh and it and it's it's it's my own mum and dad's done the first three.

SPEAKER_04 39:20

That picture of Fred and Rose has really done the rest. There was there was a news, there was a news show, weren't there, in New Zealand. That that picks pulled up this picture of Fred and Rose West and were talking about a tribute to someone's mum and dad. It's brilliant.

Nick 39:34

It's incredible. And I I mean that's what I used to like about Beta as well, because um Goatsey, like the classic Goatey picture. I just get to this is so disgusting that I can't even mention it on a disgusting podcast. This is not safe for work, and that I can't even mention what Goatsey was, but the goat the Goatsey I told you. You want me to say Yeah, do you want to say what Goatsey was?

SPEAKER_04 39:55

Someone pulling their our soul apart.

Nick 39:59

Oh my days. But the I the the iconic thing was there was a wedding ring. So it's like so like if you if you if you ever saw a circle with um with eight eight lines out of it and a wedding ring on. You you knew it was a goatsey reference, and it used to be on the news all the time and things. I think someone designed a London Olympics logo with it on the newsreader sit there with it, and everyone everyone's just I think it's like a computer game where there's a cave where it's um there's a and and uh it's it's just getting those little meme nuggets into culture, it's just yeah, it's incredible. I want to talk about your musical as well, because um you've also been up to Edinburgh Comedy Festival, yeah. Edinburgh Festival is Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

SPEAKER_04 40:41

Edinburgh Fringe Festival, yeah. Um so I I sort of went up there, you know, done my solo show back in the day and done yeah, like sort of six or seven years on the trot.

Nick 40:51

Of the greatest hits stuff, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:52

Yeah, yeah, it was always sort of, you know, even from from the from the sort of start, it was always just like you just do an hour of the best ones. Yeah. Um, and then yeah, and uh and just sort of done that up till 2016 when I stopped touring. And then um in the while the pandemic was on, I got an email from this lady called Sam because I'd I'd written this musical about the you know, the Shannon Matthews disappearance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nick 41:15

Well, I I'd written a musical about because can you remember can you remind our listeners what the Shannon Matthews was disappearance was?

SPEAKER_04 41:21

So there was a little girl called Shannon Matthews, age nine, um, from Yorkshire who went missing and it sparked like the biggest um hunt for someone uh since the Ripper.

Nick 41:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:32

Um and where was she? She was under her uncle's bed base, and she'd been hidden there by by her mum and her uncle.

Nick 41:39

Basically to get money, right?

SPEAKER_04 41:40

Yeah, but I mean it was quite a convoluted plan. You can't sort of see how I think they were gonna let her go in the market and claim the money, or I mean you can't sort of see how it was ever gonna work.

Nick 41:52

So there was a reward or something like it was it's a horrible scam, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_04 41:56

Yeah, uh yeah, yeah, because the the son put up a 50 grand reward. So um, so I had this idea to write a musical about it, and obviously, you know, you sort of have your reservations, but I kept getting ideas, so yeah, so I had this idea to write a musical, and then the you know the song ideas kept presenting themselves. So I wrote this sort of you know 90 90-minute musical and was never ever gonna be able to get it put on. But um, I had I had a mate uh who was in a band in Huddersfield, and his missus was like drama, you know, drama graduate. And he had a couple of mates, he worked in insurance, and he had a couple of mates who were quite up for it, and so we recorded it as like an audio musical. Oh wow! And my mate kind of helped us uh Castle from the from the cunt helped to still get all the music together because you know, sort of banjos and ukulele, so it sounded different to my usual stuff. And then um uh we just recorded it as an audio CD and put it out, and it sold dribs and drabs, mostly back to Yorkshire over about over about 10 years, and then in the middle of the pandemic, I got a um an email from this lady Sam who um was from York and ran a theatre company, and she said, Are the rights available for Shannon Matthews the Music? I'm well of course the rights are available, no cunt wants to put it on. And um, she had this idea to take it up to the Edinburgh Fringe, so she got a company together and you know, and rehearsed it and directed it. Proper proper actors, proper actors and singers, made it proper, yeah. And um and they took it up to the Edinburgh Fringe and uh and you know, through my existing fan base and the new people they kind of found um sold out the shows. Wow. Um at the end of it because you know the cast was so fucking so fucking good and really just brought it to life and added another layer to what we'd done uh originally. I was just sort of you know chat chatting with Sam and saying, if we're ever gonna crowdfund a film of it, we've got this company of people who all know it and all get on. They're a really nice bunch of people to work with, so let's try and crowdfund the film. So we crowdfunded it and uh But I think we we crowdfunded it for 10 grand and got 26 grand.

Nick 44:06

You got Michael Beta, director.

SPEAKER_04 44:08

No, I mean I mean, thank fuck we got 26 grand because it just it went well, you know, once you actually start filming stuff and trying to do it properly, you know, and we done it on such a fucking shoestring, you know. Um, we we done everything, got the see, you know, got all the sets together and and did the artwork and and did did you know did basically everything between us and everyone multitasked and did a few different jobs and the actors all mucked in and stayed in this freezing fucking farmhouse on the middle of the Yorkshire moors with water leaking through the roof, uh, where we sort of set up all the sets and then yeah, got it, got it sort of over the line. And Mike, who does all my videos, spent a year of his life just in in his in his office editing it, and and we just kind of went back to it and went back to it, and done all the things that we've done in the past with the country, little animations and and silly bits and green screening and stuff for the songs to kind of bring you know, bring the songs kind of came out of their lounge, you know, and sort of came into a more sort of multicolour world. But um, oh I was I was just so fucking happy with that.

Nick 45:08

I mean that is crazy having a musical just from like a little funny idea you've had, turning into film. Did you have a premiere or anything?

SPEAKER_04 45:14

We yeah, we we booked like the Prince Charles Cinema in London and then just um you know sold all the tickets to the backers and everyone came along and we done we we done the premiere at View in Leeds the night before because I thought I'm not gonna run away from doing it in Yorkshire. So we we we did the premiere in View and then the following. Yeah, I mean that they were they were very different because Views are very modern kind of cinema, and the Prince Charles one is very old school, yeah. Yeah, so yeah, I mean that they were both they were both really just two really fucking good nights, and you just think, I wish every night could be like this, just celebrating something, you know, and people, you know, everyone that had gone along went along wanting to laugh at it, so you were massively spoilt by the audience, you know. And we'd done a that like done a little QA afterwards and stuff, but it it was just a fucking magic night, and you know, you think these things don't come along that often, so I'm just gonna fucking enjoy it.

Nick 46:06

You've got to bottle that when it happens, and I've I think one of the funny things, one of the best things you can do is just take something to a ridiculous extent, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:14

And that is just having that one little joke, yeah, and and just kind of asking yourself what what if how how where where can I take this further?

Nick 46:21

It's incredible. Did you did you get anyone complaining or any like you know protests about it or anything?

SPEAKER_04 46:27

When we sort of released it onto Amazon, uh the star got hold of it and tried were trying to you know make something happen.

Nick 46:34

Can I watch this for free with Prime?

SPEAKER_04 46:36

Um Amazon. We couldn't work out how to do it, we couldn't work out how to do that because that's we wanted as many people to see it as possible, but we've we've just stuck it up on YouTube now. So you brilliant. If you go onto YouTube, you can see it for free.

Nick 46:48

Brilliant. I mean, you know, Jerry Springerly Opera, brilliant. Yeah, I mean I Prince Andrew the musical was amazing as well. I've got to see this one, this will be the triumvirate.

SPEAKER_04 46:56

Yeah.

Nick 46:57

The Prince Andrew one was great. Yeah, yeah, it's got some got some real catchy little jaunty songs as well. I mean, it would have been better if you'd done it.

SPEAKER_04 47:03

Well, I know that's that's why I didn't watch it because I was like, you cunts. That's my that's my that's my thing.

Nick 47:11

I own Prince Andrew.

SPEAKER_04 47:12

Yeah. I'm the sweaty knock, guy.

Lora 47:19

What's next? Are you gonna is this now you?

SPEAKER_04 47:23

Um well no, I I mean, there's always something else, um, but it's just trying to work out what work out what to do. So me and Mike who I make all the videos with, of um, we've had this idea for ages, we had it knocking around for years, of um a sort of spoof um uh true crime documentary. Oh yes called Murder on Thames. Yeah. I'm in, I'm in the back of it, it's it's six six episodes that are all going to be set at different locations up and down the Thames. Yeah. And uh at the moment, all the murder victims are from parts of society that I fucking hate, and they're all found with something round up their arsenal.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

Oh, I love this.

SPEAKER_04 48:07

That's just an excuse to settle a load of bitter scores, but whether that'll that whether that's how it'll end up, I don't know.

Nick 48:14

Have you ever have you ever had any like cease and desists or anything?

SPEAKER_04 48:17

I I I've had three YouTube channels remote removed every time you every time I've done something about the royals, yeah that they've just my YouTube channel's just been killed. Really?

Nick 48:26

And you have to re-upload every video.

SPEAKER_04 48:28

Yeah, I mean I mean I just I this last time I just haven't fucking bothered, and then I've I've I've just kind of started now. Yeah. But um, yeah, I mean there's loads of stuff got lost over the years, you know, all the all the kind of campaign videos and stuff from the chart campaigns, which I'm sort of quite glad of, really.

Nick 48:44

But um I I had I had a cease and desist from Children in Need once. Puds Pudsy sent us one.

SPEAKER_04 48:50

Why? What did you do?

Nick 48:51

Oh, I've I'm in a silly band as well, and uh we we were giving our money money from a um single to children in need, and we got a cease and desist saying you were not allowed to use the the name children in need.

SPEAKER_04 49:01

Oh, really?

Nick 49:01

So we're like that's brilliant getting a cease and desist from Pudsy.

SPEAKER_04 49:05

Fucking hell.

Nick 49:06

And it wasn't even rude.

SPEAKER_04 49:07

Oh, I I got a cease and desist from um uh Simon Peggs Simon Pegg's man. I really like Simon Pegg, he's uh you know you can tell he's a fucking good guy, but I got a cease and desist from his manager um because when we were doing the fuck the Tories uh single, he did a video um complaining, yeah, it was Rishi Rishi Soon that put this um directive in to get more kids into maths. And Simon Pegg was saying, Fuck you, you're cutting the arts, you know, creativity is what makes this country great, and you're fucking, you know, and just had this great big rant, and he went, fuck you, and fuck the Tories. So I sampled it and put it to our put it to our song. Um and I shouldn't have sent a press release out really saying that Simon Pegg joins the cunts. Looking back, I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't I wouldn't do that now because I I like I like him. Do you know what I mean? And but he's his manager sent us a really angry email back.

Nick 50:12

Let's talk about a bit more about DIY music as well, because I think um I think it's pretty inspired. You know, that's the creativity, you know. It's really inspiring that you can have no sort of major equipment or money to go in a recording studio. Make something at home and get it like top ten in the charts.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Yeah, I mean I mean that that Boris Johnson song was it it cost a tenner.

Nick 50:32

That's amazing. What was the come on, tell us what you spent a tenner on.

SPEAKER_04 50:35

I've I paid I paid Mike a hundred quid to mix the album. And there were ten tracks on it. Okay, brilliant, yeah. But all all the other tracks we recorded in a little studio in Benfleet, and it was just in the lead up to lockdown. Yeah, and then we got locked down, and then I had the idea for the Boris Johnson one, and so everyone just recorded their bits remotely and sent them sent them to me.

Nick 50:55

Um amazing, and you mixed and mastered it all, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 50:58

Mike mixed it and then just uh we just mastered it all together.

Nick 51:01

And you have to do you have to pay money to put it out as well to distribute it.

SPEAKER_04 51:04

Oh, I mean, yeah, um, but uh DistroKid, um you have like it's a it's on a subscription model, so you you didn't pay a fee. You know, it really you it did cost the it cost the tenner, you know.

Nick 51:16

Hang on, hang on, you you've you've had 18 albums, they're gonna change their their model, aren't they?

SPEAKER_04 51:23

They get enough fucking money off me. Uh every time because every time you do a different band name, you have to kind of pay them more money for a different fucking subscription.

Nick 51:31

Yeah, so you know, if anyone just wanted to like get stuck in, because you said like you your mate just said come on, do a gig.

SPEAKER_04 51:37

Yeah.

Nick 51:37

And you had to get something together.

SPEAKER_04 51:39

Yeah, just but book some book something up so that you can't because I I think that's that's half the battle is having the idea and seeing it through to actually doing it, because there's a million fucking voices will go to you, don't do it, don't do it. And there's a thing, especially in Essex, and especially where we we sort of grew up, he's like, ah, look, he's trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, he's trying, what a trial. And you're just like, it's not embarrassing to try it, man. It's not embarrassing to fail because you've got to fucking fail to achieve anything. And the people that don't try anything, yeah, never fucking achieve anything. Yeah, and you haven't failed until you've given up trying. Just don't fucking give up trying. Keep beating your head against the wall.

Nick 52:19

Yeah, so so like book something in, set a deadline that you can't get out of, yeah, yeah, and just go for it. And actually, you don't need to worry about your first gig's not gonna be amazing. The problem is now, they see like with music, like people like Youngblood and things, like they they build them up and they put them in front of a stage in front of you know 100,000 people when they haven't when they haven't gone and played the um the bull in Colchester like 10 times and the hot box and things like that. And and you need you need to learn your craft and you need to fail a few times.

SPEAKER_04 52:46

Yeah, just go just go and fucking do it.

Nick 52:49

Yeah, yeah. I mean just go and fucking do it. That's that's all that's that's what you need, isn't it? Brilliant. I'll we couldn't like that that was like our springer's final thought, wasn't it? Honestly. Springer, just go and fucking do it, guys.

Lora 53:03

That's it right, Sangator.

Nick 53:09

Yes. I know you still haven't done your poetry night. Why did you have to mention that? Can you do it, Sangata?

Lora 53:15

Just fucking do it. Do you know what? Okay.

Nick 53:17

Yeah, but also, if you don't do your poetry night, then I'm gonna get you booked in supporting Cunz and the gang, and you're gonna have to do like some other, you're gonna have to bashment set or something.

Lora 53:26

So that will be the one, wouldn't it?

Nick 53:28

Oh and then you can't then you can't then you just can't get out of it. You've got to do it, you've got to book stuff in, you've got to agree to do stuff. I always say, like, I won't say I'm gonna do something until until I'm sure I'm gonna do it. Because you don't want people to be like, oh, you said you were gonna do that thing.

SPEAKER_04 53:42

Oh, do you know what? I I I used to just hold on to all this stuff and not you know and not tell anyone, and then I I I kind of sort of worked out that telling people about it means you've got to fucking do it, you gotta get it you've got to get on with it. And like, you know, like with that murder on temps, it might happen or it might not happen, but I've said it now. Yeah, here you go. Yeah, so I've got to fucking I'm I'm invested.

Nick 54:02

I want to be I want to be an executive producer.

Lora 54:05

Okay, no, poetry.

Nick 54:07

So you're gonna get on it. I am gonna get on it.

Lora 54:09

Yeah, I I've started on my way into London on a Monday Tuesday. I've started to think about lyrics, so I'm not gonna lie. I've started to take it a little bit seriously. Give me a couple weeks, but's your next gig? I want to come and see you.

Nick 54:23

Yeah, when are you when you when are you at the Crawford Arms next? Let's get it. We'll get Jason at the Crawford Arms, he'll be up for it.

Lora 54:30

I want to come and watch you. I've got a lot of googling to do because normally I don't know who the guests are. Um, but actually, hearing your story and all everything you've done, I can't wait to go do some research.

SPEAKER_04 54:40

This stuff is really appalling. I love it. So you've got to rinse your ears out afterwards. And he didn't even mention all the pedo stuff.

Lora 54:49

It's all good.

SPEAKER_04 54:50

I had to go quite light on that.

Lora 54:53

And it's funny because I was selling this podcast to young people in the school today.

Nick 54:57

Oh shit. Yeah, no, yeah, podcast is going to be hello. Are you creative? Yeah.

Lora 55:05

No, but this is brilliant because actually, one of the young people I did meet today, they're in a band.

Nick 55:09

Yeah.

Lora 55:10

And they their question to me was, What do I do next? And you've just answered it. Like just keep going.

Nick 55:16

I think this is like the really important thing. I always say to people like, what's your minimum viable product, right? What's the don't wait for like having an amazing, oh, I've got to have a Mesa Boogie Amp and I've got to have this guitar, and I've got to have like my Cork Trinity keyboard or whatever. Just get a Casio and plug it in and the you know Tandy's microphone. That's what I used to have when I used to do my band. Yeah. And just go and just go and do it.

SPEAKER_04 55:35

And oh, we had like when when when I I started, we had a little little Casio. Me and a mate were sort of doing something, and I had this terrible fucking 1970s plastic mic that just sounded awful. But your hand movement there didn't it so I liked and um oh gosh, I I cut cut a circle out of a pint, you know, plastic pint glass and put that round it for Eva.

Nick 56:00

Oh, brilliant, Darfeda style.

Lora 56:02

Love it. Oh I dave.

Nick 56:04

That's great. So yeah, I think you know, just get out and start doing stuff and just get better and learn. I think that's good. Just fucking do it. What'd you say? That was Nike, wasn't it? Just fucking do it. You should do it fake, cut, can't just fucking do it.

SPEAKER_04 56:16

Oh, I've I've done the I've done the night t-shirt already.

Lora 56:19

I love it.

Nick 56:21

Awesome. All right, uh, I can't remember what we do on the podcast now.

SPEAKER_04 56:25

Is it still is the podcast still going? I thought we'd stopped about 10 minutes ago. Yeah, yeah, no, it's still going. This is this is the outro.

Nick 56:31

This is the outro. Honestly, it's so unprofessional. It's just not I mean, we didn't even talk about your podcast. I was gonna talk about it, but fuck it. Don't worry about it, it looks after itself. I don't want to give Stu Whiff and any more of me. I'll get him another time.

SPEAKER_04 56:42

He gets enough love.

Nick 56:42

Yeah, he does, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:43

Big enough, isn't he? Here's the pod Bible. Bless him. Self-appointed authority.

Nick 56:50

Yeah, the self-appointed podcast god. We've got Richard Herring, the podfather, coming here soon, yeah. Yeah, they'll have to battle it out like Highlander. Early Essex Border. We're from being over messing like Claymore broadsword. Oh, dear. Um, did you notice that, Getty? You can follow this podcast on at r.new.creative.podcast on Instagram. I shall follow it from tonight. Um we're gonna be at Essex Podcast Festival with Steve Lamack as well.

Lora 57:20

Yes, we are.

Nick 57:21

Not quite. You're not an Amazon. What's that then? Uh Patch Place in um in Chelmsford.

SPEAKER_04 57:25

That sounds proper.

Nick 57:26

Yeah, Steve Lamac's coming over. We're gonna talk about random, really obscure 90s indie bands from Essex.

SPEAKER_04 57:32

Oh, what you're doing a podcast with Steve Lamac or you're doing this podcast with the podcast.

Nick 57:35

We are, yeah, but yeah, but with an audience and it's always a little bit awkward.

SPEAKER_04 57:39

Yeah.

Nick 57:39

And really weird. And then I remember last time we were chatting and I could see someone's knees twitching like they needed a piss in the front, or in the front. It's so distracting.

SPEAKER_04 57:47

No, you need to just call it out.

Nick 57:52

Anyway, uh, yeah, we've got the uh thank you to Adam Whitka and Locameda Studios.

SPEAKER_04 57:59

Thanks, Adam.

Nick 58:00

Thanks, Adam. Uh and thanks for getting another slab down later.

Lora 58:05

Uh thanks, Sangator. Thank you, Nick.

Nick 58:08

Yeah, no problem. No, no one's listening anymore, are they? We've just spent so long winding up. Do they listen again? No one ever sends any questions or anything. No one's everyone's gonna unsubscribe after this one anyway. We've completed podcasts. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 58:21

I think this was one of the good ones. I think they will. Do you know what?

Nick 58:26

I have my list. I have my list of people that I want to get on the podcast, and you've been at you've been in top five ever since we started. It's only I only asked you.

SPEAKER_04 58:35

When are you contact me?

Nick 58:36

Because I'm working up. I'm I'm working up to Square Pusher and Damon Auburn, right?

SPEAKER_04 58:41

Oh well, they're above me. Yeah.

Nick 58:46

And and finally, finally we've got Lamac. We got Lamac, and I was like, okay, we've got Lamac now. I'm gonna ask Cunt.

SPEAKER_04 58:54

Is it you're above Lamac? I'm above, I was above Lamac. Above Lamac, yeah. Tell me.

Nick 58:59

There you go.

SPEAKER_04 59:00

As long as I'm above Lamac, I don't mind being below all the.

Nick 59:02

Little cunt's above you.

SPEAKER_04 59:06

He'll come, he'll do anything.

Nick 59:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:09

Anything I say.

Nick 59:13

That's all I love it. That's it, we're out. Good night. Have you got catchphrases, Cunt?

SPEAKER_04 59:18

Oh, I've got all the catchphrases. Fuck sticks, mother's cunt. I've got all the catchphrases. Um I've got all the catchphrases. Look at you, for snowing. Well, the song titles are all catchphrases, aren't they? Jesus died of a strangle wank. Women love a bastard.

Lora 59:33

That's a true one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:35

A lot of them are true.

Lora 59:36

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 59:37

A lot of them are true. We've got to stop now. We've got to stop.

Nick 59:42

Oh thank you, Kent.

SPEAKER_04 59:44

Thanks very much.